I’m going to’ put humor on hold for a minute as I’m just not seeing a glimpse of it. Last we spoke I was having my first round of chemo. Day one is the typical intravenous chemo and day two is the chemo injected into a port that goes straight into my abdomen. Apparently my body wasn’t thrilled with the day two regimen. Can we say, “sick as a dog for FIVE days?” The thing I dreaded the most, was the nausea and although I never threw up, but I wish I had! That feeling of always being on the edge where you break out in a sweat, hold your breath, and wait for your body to explode, only to have it never happen, was almost anticlimactic! Talk about looking a “gift horse in the mouth!” I’d been told that days 4 and 5 would be the worst and then, all should start heading back to normal. Wrong! They were the longest five sick days of my life. I should have easily been paid overtime for it!
My daughter Wren came to stay with me over the weekend and was the bright spot. She never complained, always asked what I might need, and rarely left my side. I was so sure we’d never make it together as we can hardly tolerate each other when we’re well, let alone if one of us is sick! Two headstrong women who love each other very much and recognize each other’s faults just by looking at ourselves in the mirror. I think we caught a glimpse of the past, present and future this time around as it mellowed us out. She kept saying to me, “I came in so that I could help you while you were throwing up, why aren’t you throwing up?” I continued to say, “shush, even when you say the words, it makes me sick!” She left Sunday afternoon and I started to go downhill. Truthfully it started while she was here, but I was afraid to let her know. I think it’s the mom in me that continues to try and be the hero even when I’m not.
Lots of stomach pain, dizziness, and I know they say when you’re having Chemo, you’re supposed to drink a gallon of water a day, but there’s no way to do that when you’re constantly nauseous! As a result I just couldn’t eat or drink properly. The flu, that’s what it feels like! You’re in a weakened state.
Today (9/23) I went in for the “day 8 Chemo,” and met with my doctor ahead of time. I found out my body is not tolerating the second day of this poison. This explains why I was so sick for so many days. It affected my kidneys, elevating levels of who knows what, and as a result they need to re-admit me to the hospital within a couple of hours.
So back I go into the world of wandering hospital hallways in a gown that I PRAY is closed in the back! The only good thing this go-round is that I already know a lot of the hospital staff!
I know who’s buttons I can push, and those I can’t. There was one doctor who signed me out last time, and gave me my “can’s and can’t do’s,” I asked him if I could play the piano! Lord have mercy he fell for it! He got so excited that he started rambling, “yes, yes, yes!” When I finished by smiling at him and saying, “Good, because I could never play it before!” He fell into the chair near my bed, holding his head in his hands, shaking it, and laughing.
I plan on finding him to ask, “Did you miss me?”